Tea Time in the Gazebo
by Sadnessamongfriends
Summary: Niles and The Summoner, have a special relationship. Their friendship... is unconventional to say the least. Only a special kind of friend let's you be Horny on Main. There is a risk involved however, when said friend gets curious as to your exact preferences. Alfonse x Summoner.


"You know, I'd let berkut step on me."

"You'd enjoy it to wouldn't yah."

"Hell yeah." Niles, was a friend. Quite the kind I'd been missing from earth. Here in Askr, it's a battlefield and you can't afford to be horny on main. So here we were, sitting in the garden, disguising ourselves by seeming to have a spot of tea, hiding our faces with the teacups. speaking our _personal_ thoughts on each hero.

"Stars have you seen soleils abs? I could chisel a masterpiece with rocks like that"

"Naive summoner, you fail to realize the godlike physique that Hector provides under his armor."

"Foolish of you to assume I haven't" I raked a hand through my hair "Niles why must we be cursed with an armies worth of beautiful people?"

"I think it rather adds to the charm of war doesn't it. Lest you be surrounded by bores and the bustless." He concluded

"You have a point," I conceded, "but that would make my job a lot easier."

"For one who never knew another, your mind is quite fraught with untamed ideas."

"Your verbosity will gain you no favours with me."

"Yes, but I find it a rather fun, watching others grow flustered, only a few seconds after they deciphered the meaning of my context."

"You're quite the sadist aren't you"

"Guilty as charged." He lowered his teacup just enough, for you to see him lick his lips sensually.

"Much as I hate to admit it, I admire your gall. The fact that your so upfront about it makes your life a lot more enjoyable if not at the expense of others."

"That could be you, with enough practice, and a _willing _instructor." I eyed him warily.

"Your implications get you nowhere but to the grave you sit upon" I sighed "To be as..._forthcoming_… as you are, would put the army into chaos. I've crated an accursed face of professionalism and grace, that to destroy, would ruin the very fabric of the hierarchy in the order of heroes. Besides. " I pretended to drink my tea, closing my eyes. "You're just not my type."

"That begs the question though." Niles put down his teacup, leaning towards me curiously, "Who is? We may talk of all these _divine_ heroes, but what, or _who_ gets you going Summoner?"

"Wouldn't you like to know. Like I'd give away that information so casually."

"You should. If you don't offer the information willingly, well… _I have other ways_."

"Stars the way you say things, never am I offered a moment of peace." I refilled my teacup and sipped gingerly. The taste of lavender and honeycomb graced my tongue, mixing together pleasantly, "Though, i must bite the bullet. What _methods _would you use to get the truth out of me?" He smiled, as he pushed his hair back and leaned against the bench we both shared.

"It's simple really. I know your type Summoner.

You're the type that, when threatened, will defend your territory." He moved once more, his elbows on the table. "If I pick on the right one, the one you claim as yours. Then you'll instinctively act out of your facade, the face that claims calm behind your _bursting, _emotions" He smirked, "quite _feral _if you ask me." I snarled inwardly at the implication.

"You think you've got me all figured out huh?"

"If you think i'm wrong then you've got nothing to lose." I said nothing. "I'll take that as a yes. Now where to start." The gazebo rested in an area outside the order, next to the gardens. As such, various heroes were consistently walking across Niles and I's perch.

"Ah let's start easy" Niles pointed to Laslow walking past, his gaze occupied with a pretty maid off to take water to the med bay. "it's the classic. The flirty type, always complimenting, trying to gain your attention. As soon as you return it however, they freeze. Quite _cute_ if you ask me."

"Hmm." I was engrossed in dropping sugar cubes into my cup.

"Okay got it, got it. How about… there," I followed his gaze to the redhead mercenary "Titania, the matriarch type. Not one to count you as one who would take it but the allure of a dominating figure in your life excites you. To be taken care of is all you've ever wanted" Niles raised his eyebrows suggestively at you.

"Try again. Though I wouldn't mind meeting the end of _her _axe. Also I like her hair."

"Yeah didn't think so. You're too independent to have that insecurity. 3rd time then…"

That's how our afternoon went. Niles naming of people trying to see what would make me tick. I did well to keep my face on straight, any indication of interest would give Niles material for _weeks._ My stone cold bitch face must hold. The tea was long gone but I kept myself there to prove a point to Niles. He couldn't get to me, its a power move all on its own.

"Are you done yet, i've dunken an entire pot of tea and you are nowhere close." I replied smugly. Actually, thinking about that, I should use the washroom soon.

"Quite the will, but all the more exciting to break _Summoner_." Niles gave a sly smile "One last shot, then I leave you to whatever you do when your not admiring the beauty of the human form.

"I do a lot of things Niles, important things."

"Not today you did. Anyways," Niles watched for a minute or two in deep concentration, had I a watch, I would have checked it by now. "how about our prince over there." Following his gaze, I caught sight of the royal in question. Stars not him. He was talking intently with Commander Anna. His eyes focused on the conversation. He got me.

"Prince Alfonse? However would you suppose that Mr. Cruel-to-be-Kind."

"Why a matter of chemistry. There is a plethora of heroes to spend your time with, but you seem enamoured with spending your time in the library, at times when the prince himself spends his time." He put his hand onto his chin as if in deep thought. "Oh to think if the scandalous things that could be done in the privacy of bookshelves." I held the teacup closer to my face swallowing my embarrassment.

"...The relationship I share with Prince Alfonse is purely platonic. We are coworkers in a sense so uh… good try." Niles was silent, but let out a dramatic sigh.

"Well then, I concede defeat. But I don't truly lose."

"How so?" I asked nervously.

"Well if you don't want Alfonse, I'll take him gladly."

"..." Niles gave a sinister smile.

"I mean he may not be your type, but he is _mine_. I mean look at him." Stars Niles, please stop.

"Perfect skin, not a flaw in sight. Pretty blue eyes. Shining with naivety and goodness. Pretty bit of porcelain if I do say so myself. Better with a few chips though. How exciting To imagine him pressed-" I slammed the teacup against the table making a loud _clank_.

"Stop it Niles. Have you no shame?!"

"Did I strike a chord dear Summoner?" He gave a smile that eerily reminded me of a certain neerdowell cat "Perhaps you speak lies of your infatuation. But I am inclined to continue unless you give me a response."

"Stars, fine _you got me_.

"Got what?"

"You successfully narrowed down my type."

"Hm." I sighed softly.

"I'm so whipped for him. He's too beautiful for my health. Quite rude if you ask me." I grumbled. "His soft voice and determined attitude. His sense of duty and innate loyalty. Its bad Niles. How much I…"

"How much you…" he drawled, expecting me to continue.

"How much I want to hold hands with him! And…" I buried my head in my arms "write sappy poetry… and give him kisses, t-that make him smile..." Niles gasped loudly.

"Good gods this is bad. It's worse than I could have imagined. Summoner! How many fingers am I holding up" he raised his hands to which a weakly slapped away

"You know they'd love you in my drama class." I mumbled.

"Why thank you."

"It's not a compliment. I'm going to the bathroom." I got up from my seat and started to walk away

"Aw, are you embarrassed?" He quipped

"No its because I drank a whole pot of tea you expired coupon." I snapped back before stopping at the entrance of the gazebo.

"Hey Niles?"

"Hmm?"

"Please... Don't tell anyone." Niles shifted his posture instead opting to stare at the ceiling.

"Why do you insist on the secrecy? Wouldn't it be simpler to court? You get nothing out of lying about your feelings." I raked a hand through my hair exasperated.

"You don't understand, but It's not your business to. Just do this thing for me alright?" He only looked away before opening his mouth.

"Your wish is my command."


End file.
